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Dear Jim,
Thanks for the question.
You said:
- Is there Church teaching or Scripture that I can share with them to help eliminate some of the guilt they are feeling?
I don't know of any sources other than the ones you have mentioned. Nevertheless, I do have some personal advice I would like to share with them based on what I have learned over the past ten or more years.
Steve Woods who is associated with dads.org, a Christian fatherhood web site, once said:
You can't transmit religious values to someone, without first establishing a good relationship.
I agree. This is why many religious freaks in the family, with the best of intentions, run into problems.
They:
- don't establish a good relationship with their family members, and
- don't respect their family members free will to make dumb choices
My assumption here is that these family members have flown the coop and are legally on their own. If not, as my brother Mark says, If you're under our roof, you follow our rules.
Sensing that my family views me as the religious freak in the family, I've used Steve's point of view among my family members with good success . . . I hope.
I'm not there ensuring they have:
- all gone to Mass every Sunday
- say the Rosary on a daily basis, or
- have been to Confession at least once a month
but I've established a relationship with my brothers, sister-in-laws, niece and nephews where, I think, they see me more as that fun, maybe (nice to be around) Uncle they can have fun with, rather than someone that is looking for a way to send them to Hell for either doing something or not doing something.
This does not mean throwing fraternal correction out the window, but correcting once, with charity. I throw in bits of faith to my cousins by my example and by letting them know they can ask me any question about the faith, at any time. If I don't know the answer, I'll tell them that, and get back to them with an answer.
You are correct in telling your friends that they have to respect their children's free will but, if they really wish to help, they need a heart that is open, friendly and welcoming to their children, even if they have left the Church. The only way this will happen is by living the sacramental life of the Church, which includes a daily prayer life.
The question remains for them:
- How is distancing themselves from their children going to help their children come back to the faith?
It isn't!
They have to forget about whether they could have done a better job in catechizing their children, because that is in the past.
We have to remember that the Lord never allows anything to happen that a greater good can't be pulled out of.
e.g. If they establish a good relationship with their children, not only could they come back to the Church, but they could bring others, who were never Catholic,
into the Church!
For this couple, it has to start with prayer and begging Our Good Lord to remold their hearts and minds, then asking Him to remold their children's hearts and minds.
That's the best I can do for an answer. Consider printing this out web posting and sharing it with them.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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